Top Ten Ways to Stop/Prevent Rioting at Dead Shows

10) Have public spankings of the ticketless hordes conducted by Phil, Bobby,
    and Jerry.

09) Have Donna rejoin the band-- specifically for her eardrum piercing  
    screeches.

08) Rearrange the sets somewhat. Like at every show play a second set like the
    following:

    Samba-->Sunsrise-->Corrina-->Childhood's End-->Wave to the Wind-->Drums-->
    space-->Easy Answers-->Samba  E: I fought the Law, Liberty

07) Fire Bob Weir and replace him with Neil Diamond.

06) Have Dan Rather play a couple of songs with the dead on a late night tv talk
    show, then have Rather announce on CBS news that the Dead suck and that REM
    is having a FREE world tour.

05) Get Bruce Hornsby back on tour...with his squeeze box.

04) Hand out bullhorns so that those that like to sing and talk at shows can be
    heard better.

03) Set Dale the Porshe Guy loose on the those without tickets.

02) At summer shows, require all ticketless folks to carry 8' poles of highly
    conductive metal in the the parking lot.

01) Require drug testing for all those wanting to go to the show.